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Saturday, August 3, 2013

Rhiannon Irons' Top 13 Bad-Ass Horror Honeys

These lovely ladies manage to kick ass and still look hot while doing it.  Whether they’re the hero or the villain, one thing is for certain; you don’t want to piss them off.

13: Mrs. Pamela Voorhees (Betsy Palmer) in Friday the 13th (1980)

She was the original evil, filled with hatred.  She went to extraordinary lengths to show how much she loved her only son. 

So what makes Mrs. Voorhees so bad-ass?  If you have to ask that question, then you missed her impressive body count.  Using a hunting knife, bow and arrows as well as a hatchet, Mrs. Voorhees is one tough chick that you don’t want to anger.


12: Jennifer Hills (Camille Keaton) in I Spit On Your Grave (1978)

What was supposed to be a nice time in the countryside turns nasty for a New York writer.  After being brutally gang raped, Jennifer Hills turns deadly, taking the law into her own hands to slay the men responsible.

The way she takes her revenge is nothing short of brutal and clearly shows that hell does indeed have no fury like a woman scorned.


11: Amanda Young (Shawnee Smith) in the Saw franchise

This woman is a woman on the edge.  Plotting to ‘redeem’ people with the man who ‘redeemed’ her, Amanda has gone about building deadly traps before succumbing to her own death at the hand of a survivor.

Deadly, smart, and apparently very good at welding, Amanda has left her mark on the horror world with one simple image; a reverse bear trap.

10: Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) in the Scream franchise

Sidney is the ultimate when it comes to survival.  She survived her boyfriend trying to kill her, his mother trying, her own half brother and then her cousin.  But along the way, she chalked up an impressive body count herself.

Never one to play the victim, Sidney used her brains and managed to outwit the cleverest of killers, often using their own tactics and weapons against them.  A bullet to the brain is Sidney’s answer to anyone trying to slaughter her.

9: Alissa (Danielle Harris) in Blood Night: The Legend Of Mary Hatchet

Alissa seems to be a sweet girl.  She’s funny, warm, inviting and works hard to get along with everyone in the new circle of friends.

But what her new friends don’t suspect is something evil lurking just beneath the surface of Alissa’s good girl act.  She completely fools them before unleashing an unspeakable terror.  Yes, that’s right.  Alissa is the killer and trust me when I say, you don’t want to make this one mad…

8: Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) in Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

Sure, she started out as a victim, but Nancy took control of her nightmares and makes this list because of her unique way of dealing with her demon. 

Studying a survival manual, she booby trapped her house and coaxed Freddy into a showdown on her terms.  She beat him at his own game.  Sadly it cost Nancy her mother’s life.

7: Mrs. Norma Bates (Vera Farmiga) in Bates Motel (2013-)

A boy’s best friend is his mother, and in the case of Norma and Norman Bates, this couldn’t be any more true. 

Norma goes to any length to protect her son, from covering up a crime he committed to killing for him.  A beauty with a sinister nature, Norma Bates isn’t to be trifled with.

6: Carrie White (Sissy Spacek) in Carrie (1976)

Carry White is young girl who is incredibly shy and doesn’t make friends easily.  After Carrie is crowned Prom Queen, her jealous classmates pour a vat of pigs blood all over her.  Enter the ass kicking of momentous proportions.

Without laying a hand on anyone, Carrie gets her revenge using telekinetic powers, murdering most of her classmates as well as teachers who were in attendance.  Moral of the story: Never bully the loner.  It will come back to haunt you.

5: Patricia Bradley (Dee Wallace) in The Frighteners (1994)

Patricia Bradley was in a deadly relationship – literally.  At a young age she began a killing spree with her boyfriend when she was a teenager.  Once he was executed by the state everything seemed to be alright.  Except, he returned from the grave and with her help, the killing began again.

Patricia makes this list because her idea of kicking ass is blowing Jeffrey Combs’ head off and choking the life out of Michael J. Fox.  Her sinister smirk and her cold eyes all add to this psycho honey’s appeal.

4: Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) in Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1996-2003)

She kicked ass every week through seven seasons, often battling demons, legions of the undead and (obviously) vampires.  She went to Hell and Heaven before returning to Earth to do it all again.  And she did it with near perfect hair.

Though Buffy mixed genres, one thing remains true; she is a champion and kicked the ass of a lot of our nightmares.  And this honey didn’t even break a nail.

3:  Mary-Beth (Danielle Harris) in Hatchet II & Hatchet III

In the first film, Mary-Beth wasn’t much of a bad-ass.  Sure, she toted a gun and had the will to survive.  But when Danielle Harris took over the role in the sequel, all hell broke loose.  Mary-Beth upped the ante and kicked Victor Crowley’s ass all over his swamp.

A Scream Queen and super hottie, Mary-Beth found the strength to avenge her father, brother and all those who tried to stop Crowley by attacking the beast with a hatchet before blowing his brains out with a shot gun.  Moral of the story: Don’t fuck with Mary-Beth.

2:  Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) in the Halloween franchise

Laurie Strode was the perfect victim, until her life was put in danger.  Then she became the ultimate survivor.  She ran from Michael before deciding twenty years after his first attack on her to finally stand up to him.

Sadly for Laurie, her ass kicking of her homicidal brother came to end on a roof top.  But even in death, Laurie Strode went down swinging.


1:  Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) in the Alien franchise

This woman kicks ass!  She
single handedly takes out an Alien on her first meeting after it kills her crew, then leads the Marines and kicks the queens ass 100yrs later.  If that wasn’t impressive enough she then leads the criminals to take down another without any weapons before kicking a mutants butt.  She’s one bad-ass horror honey.

Ellen Ripley, we salute you. 

Which bad-ass horror honeys make your list?

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